1.09.2008

damn...bitter much??

so i know its been a bit since my last post, ill do my best to update ya. so a lot has happened since my last blog. after the issue with money and child support, i got in a car accident and lost my job. wham!! why does it always happen in 3's??? so $1000 deductible, not a good idea. trust me on that. i went through a bit of a depression. just hated everything, didn't do much and avoided most people. so after a couple weeks of that, things ended with j. permanently. which personally is a good thing. i wasn't happy in the relationship and bottom line is he's just not what i want. so that being said, it didn't take me long to get over that. 30 seconds according to him. apparently he was under some misguided illusion that i would call all the time and beg him to get back together. um, no. that's not how things went. hilarious really. so here's what went on... we ended and decided to be friends. so about, i dunno, a week and a half later, he calls, now mind you, i didn't call him at all. so he called and asked what i was up to, how i've been and what i was going to do for labor day, had i met any guys etc. said i've been great, cuz i had been, things were looking up i was optimistic about things, and i had met many great guys, lol and told him that i'd met a lot of cool people. just left it at that. so then he asks if ive been on any dates? no, not yet. then he tells me that he is going to wait a while before getting involved with someone again. uh ok, good for u. do what u gotta do. whatever. so then we get on the subject of the breakup and us being friends. he asked if i want to be friends and i said sure. apparently sure wasn't a good enough answer, so then he says, well if its too hard for u to be friends we didnt have to be. hehe, are u kidding me? so i told him i wasn't broken up about anything and that it wont be hard for me. guess he didn't expect that. he seemed a little thrown by that statement. so we decide to be friends and i say i gotta go a few minutes later. im not one for phones...

so fast forward... a couple months later. he, meaning j, graduates from the police academy. and i get a call at i dunno, 10:30pm. im usually in bed early but at the time i had to be at work at 7am so i went to bed pretty early. now i had deleted his number back when we broke up out of my phone, didn't want to be tempted to call him since as far as i was concerned the breakup was the best thing for me. i answer the phone and its him. he says that he's on my side of town and has no where to go. do i wanna hang out?? i ask why he's over here since he lives in the west valley and he says he graduated tonight and that he just left the graduation party? what kinda party ends at 10:30??? anywho, so i say congrats and then he asks if i wanna hang out. said no im in bed, to which he responded, hangin out in your bed sounds good and chuckles. yeah that ain't happenin... so i tell him i dont wanna hang out so i guess he drives home. now side note - i could have sworn i saw his car driving on my street earlier that day but blew it off cuz he lives so far away... now im wondering. ok so this is when things get ugly. lol so apparently he didn't expect me to say no so he drives home and we're talking while he's driving. we get on the subject of me telling him i luv him and he asked if i did. in being honest, i say that no, in hindsight i don't think i did. i felt it in the moment, but no i must not have otherwise i don't think i would have gotten over it so quickly. man he did not like that. so highlights of the convo from this point on??? i must not want to be friends cuz i never call him - ummm i didn't really call u much when we were together, why would i start now?? that i must really wanna get married and desperate for a husband. im really not sure he ever met me after hearing that one lol. im a liar and a slut for telling him i loved him when i didn't and he doesnt want to be around to watch me lie to some other guy and tell him i love him when i really don't. that all girls do is lie and none of them know what luv is. that he called me hoping, he actually said hoping, that i was secretly very hurt and upset and that i was trying to be strong. WTF??? who are u kidding? now what kind of person wishes bad emotional mojo on someone. especially someone they claim to have cared about not all that long ago. then he got mad cuz i deleted his number from my phone. suffice it to say the convo didn't end well. he pissed me off with the insults and name calling, that's so childish. but if it makes him feel better than fine. so bottom line, not friends. his choice. im ok with it, more than ok. i came to the conclusion that a friendship with him would be one sided and im all around better off without him. me being the nice person, tried to call him the next day, just so things didn't end on such bad terms, ie him hanging up on me and me yelling at him. he didn't answer so i left a vm saying just that. i sent him an email letting him know if he decided he was able in the future, he knew how to reach me and sent him the pics we had taken while we were together and just left it at that. 2 months later, and no word. works for me!! :)

im sure im missing info in all that but its been a while and the highlights remain the same.